And the fat lady said.....

So somehow two ladies live in my head, their is a fat lady and this thin lady. The fat lady is very friendly, giving to everyone, has verbal diarrhea, can't find her sex appeal and hasn't seen it since 1996, she is slightly sad and orders for imaginary people in a drive through at McDonalds. The thin lady is focused, healthy, shares what is needed, just bought some sexy panties, happy and kind to herself. Both of these ladies exist and it is a daily struggle who's voice is louder. As my goals become clearer, my body gets healthier the thin lady's voice is the one that wins. She is the one that encourages me, makes me first, and chooses to keep moving in a positive healthy direction. That fat lady is great too, she just wastes time thinking about what other people are doing and forgets that being really happy has nothing to do with what other people are doing , because life is not a contest it's a journey. As I type I think how dirty the word "fat" has become, my nephews are not aloud to say it, being called it is crushing and I have read poles that have said people rather be poor than fat. The fat lady in my head is not just literal, she is my less than best self, she is afraid, misguided and dependent on others to tell me I am alright. For me food has been a crutch, I don't drink, smoke, or do any drugs, but donuts well that's another story. When I feel good I treat myself well and that tends to effect the size of my bum. I also notice as my bum shrinks, I hug my family more, I say less to people who have pumped me for my entire soul, I feel strong and not just because I am a super hero but because I am being fair with myself. Today the thin lady won and though they both wear the exact same pair of jeans they both have a totally different walk. Walk tall, thanks for reading! xo, Vicki