Friday, March 26, 2010

so I almost found I found it.

Their was that entangle thing that you have or I had, I remember having it and being it and then I am not sure when I lost it or where it went or how it happened but all of a sudden it was gone. I know Justin Timberlake tried to bring it back a few years ago for me well for everyone but it didn't work until recently. Recently I noticed, sometimes it takes your reflection in someone else's eyes to remember who you are, and I appreciate that I finally saw it. It's spring time, I have lost 42 pounds, paid off my debt (officially done today) and I feel vital and dare say it Sexy, yay I am "I'm jingl'n baby". I know I am still a work in progress but I am headed in the right direction and finally really open to anything great that comes my way. It is weird when your life tweaks a tiny bit and you see things with a tad more confidence the dirt falls away and the sparkle shines a bit brighter. I am not saying I don't have a million insecurities but the fact is they are not even the first, second, or third thing that comes to my mind. I have worked hard these last couple years to find me again to strip myself of the crap that life itself had piled on. I am thankful and excited for the first time in a long time....about me. Thanks for reading! xo, Vicki

Sunday, March 21, 2010

This is for you Hawaii.......

I know that at least 1-4+ people read this blog and I have been very bad at updating it lately so thanks to my friend Kea from Hawaii for demanding some more blog accountability. I imagined returning with an amazing story of travel and mystery but just woke up in the middle of the night to a crash sound and the power going out. I never get too panicked with emergency situations, I immediately grabbed my cell phone and a pen that I decided I would use as a weapon, of course, should a home invasion be in progress. The fact was my cats caused the crash and the power went out for a half an hour. I just put the pen down and laughed at myself. I like to wear dresses and as my friend Cathie B once said "The higher the heel the closer to heaven" but I also like to think that I am not afraid. I was always up for scuba diving, or para sailing but I admit a few years ago having to have a guy I was with stop a carnival ride (the Tea-cups) to be exact because I thought I was going to puke. I held it together but what changed was it fear, age, or wisdom? Maybe none of it, if push came to shove I would stand and fight for the right thing (I like to think), I can use power tools and feel self sufficient and not needy, I also now wear socks and coats in the winter and feel that that makes me smarter not less of a rebel so the point may be -don't write blogs in the middle of the night- No the point is smarter is braver. What?
I did Lady Bug Warrior show the other night in NYC, for the first time since Scotland, and the supportive audience that came was filled with some of my favorite peeps and I did a different show than before, not completely, but I didn't wear the capes or costumes, I wore a red dress and told my story in more details- the highs and the lows of life so far and it felt braver. It felt honest to the person I am right now. That's just it I feel like something has consciously changed in me- I think change is the wrong word, I feel more like me, a healthier more confident me. It feels good and yes I am knocking on wood to not jinx it all, but the truth is I feel like maybe this more confident gal isn't drawn to the glitter (fluff bologna) much any more but instead seeing a zero credit card balance is time for "hi-fives" and knowing I have a little savings and choosing to talk out my issues and have an apple rather than making funnel cake at two in the morning feels stronger. Not to get too deep, because I almost attacked my cats with a pen remember, but I believe the whole law of attraction thing and I think the words we use, and the actions we take dictate what is to come. Like when I first started writing Lady Bug Warrior- I spelled out where I was going not where I was honestly, when I wrote it and even performed it in the past my weight, my money situation, my plans were out of control but I knew the core of me the truth of me and what I needed to remind myself to be---to be my own "super hero" and this last year I have slowly but surely made steps to get to that place that believes it---IS it! This time I wore a red dress next time maybe sequins. Thank you for reading..I am going back to sleep.
PS thanks Kea!