Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Taking a Leap...again....

So.....leap kind of feels like a day to get started back to getting started. The whole Internet thing is funny and rarely do I write anymore and rarely do I think anyone reads it, however once in a while a friend from the past pops up who says, "just read your blog and learned a lot about you", to which I wince thinking..." much crap did I write about myself?", in my pj's while drinking too much coffee alone in my apt? Well, last night I actually read some of the crap and I think I am doing okay. I started writing this blog in 2009 basically for free therapy and it was kind of like those self indulgent carrots you give yourself to say..."see world, I am a person", kind of like those Christmas letters people send bragging about their kids or the email blasts you get saying "I am important...see look at all I have going on". But truthfully I started the blog to just remind myself I was supposed to live this life and do all the things I was afraid to do and trust it would be fine if I kept moving forward. So...I read some stuff and my life looks a bit different then three years ago... my weight well (trying to shed some more before getting married in June) , oh yeah that,in love, engaged, happy, also had some success with food, performing, etc..learned some lessons. You know the good to yourself and the world follows suit..that is always a good one and realizing that more people come to the pity party than the parade was a tough one but a good one to learn. I have seen some rough stuff in my life, was with both my parents when they took their last breathes, have had heart break, been down on my luck, etc but truth be told I still think life rocks, if you have clean water and can still see the blue are doing pretty good. So for me right now I feel blessed and thankful that I am doing pretty great. I guess I needed to remind myself of this, that I am doing great and to keep moving forward...I never dreamt three years ago I would ever be this happy so I can only imagine what three years from now has in store. Enjoy your leap day and you life, thanks for reading! xo, Vicki

Friday, February 3, 2012

Umm two Brides, no groom...yes you heard correctly..

What? It has been a while since I have written so for the few of you who read this, I got engaged on Christmas Eve! I know, it's fun and exciting and makes me want to dance most of the time. It took me a very long time to love myself, be truly loved by another and is Awesome and I don't even use that word. So, thankfully, the state of New York has some intelligent people who realize that the Constitution was meant for everyone and I am able to marry my partner, my love, legally on a state level only however, I know that the timing of it is great and as I try not to go crazy looking at the billions of wedding stuff that somehow I all of a sudden need I wonder... if teen kids are brave enough to come out of the closet, walk the walk and live true, why do we have to, on a nearly daily basis be forced to hear and see hate? (I mean doesn't the no bullying law work for adults too?)
I know the answer, I know that if you truly love yourself then you know everyone else should do the same and if you live with fear most likely you don't like someone for a reason that has nothing to do with you like ethnicity, sexuality, religion, sex, etc. Okay the point the point, cute wedding favors, no the point the real true.
If Michelangelo or Leonardo Da Vinci's art moves you, or Elton John and Melissa Etheridge's music gets your toes tapping, and Ellen Degeneres, Wanda Sykes and Lily Tomlin make you laugh than why not let them love? Legally.
Before I came out of the first thought when straight women told me they were getting married..."are you retarded?, we grew up with Oprah". But then I got real, told myself the truth, told everyone else, realized the world was not going to implode, I was ten times happier, open to finding true love and I did. YAY, so then of course I was like...I WANT TO GET MARRIED TOO!!! So we are, and I know compared to so many couples past and present we are lucky however I never want to feel grateful about it, I mean isn't my right to love and have a legal binding union just as important as all those other people's straight weddings I've attended?
I listen to these Republican candidates and I cringe and I hear all the other "family values" groups up in arms about marriage equality and I think "how can this great, most exciting happy thing ...the evolution of our love be anything other than amazing?"
I have never been prouder to live my truth, do my thing, admit my faults, walk around many times with powdered sugar on my shirt and LOVE really LOVE! So back to googling clear mason jars which will fit the pretty french macaroons I want to make as favors, my insane thought for the day. Thank you for reading and sorry about the run on punctuation, as usual, is more a suggestion. Happy VALENTINE's Day!!! LIVE YOUR LIFE AND LOVE!!! IT turns out to be a great thing!xo, Vicki