so I wore a lady blazer.

I performed in a show on Saturday night at Eastville Comedy Club in NYC, it is a fun monthly show produced and hosted by Gerard Mignone and called "That time of the month", I wore a lady blazer. I have two ways of thinking in my brain, the first confident people look put together and care about their appearance and style, the second confident people don't give a f*ck and look how they want which could mean shitty if they feel like it. These are two completely different ways of thinking- oh brain let's get it together. (I like to include my internal monologue whenever possible and yes I am aware that no longer makes it internal but I can't help myself)
So right now I am wearing horizontal striped sweats (that I have slept in and never have been seen in by other than cat eyes or a food delivery person while I was also wearing a trench coat).
This past Saturday I made a slight effort (a little more than slight, I played home version of project runway), I hemmed these pants I found in my closet, the same ones I kept trying on in a rush and would always say "too long" and then put them back, I wore a shirt that was low cut, purple, and frilly and was also once a cute too short dress I bought and never wore (so I shortened it to shirt length), a lady blazer that was fit in a way that the show "What not to Wear" says to wear it, oh and four inch sexy heels. That was an effort. I felt good, confident, and I also said the words "lady blazer" 8 times during my 10 minute set, it was funny and not planned. I can do confident, I just can not do cool and confident. Cool is a trait I don't wear well, aloof forget about it, not in this lifetime.
When I lived on the Upper East side in Manhattan I would see these woman who had stone faces, Prada Shoes, and perfectly blown out hair. They seemed invincible but as I watched them, me wearing my rocket dog sneakers, I would chuckle thinking I bet if I went over and said "aren't those last season's shoes?" would they crumble and feel inadequate? Here's the thing I think everyone has their own deal, they are afraid they don't have enough money, too much fat, not enough brains, the right shoes. I always think of myself as building from the inside out and my outward appearance as my final frontier. So, then there is the lady blazer. Feeling great has nothing to do with what other people say or what the reflection in that store window you pass on the street looks like. I have been deflated a bunch of times thinking I look great only to catch myself in a Macy's window thinking "what was I thinking?". Enough that is only glass and the reflection of light or what ever I can't remember I haven't been in an art class in years. The point is strength is something that comes from inside and the lady blazer is just the accessory. I am headed to my first WWF weigh in and I think I followed the rules this week so I think it is starting to work. I understand your weight does not equal confidence but I do understand putting my energy towards treating myself well is the perfect breeding ground for an incredibly confident sassy lady, or man, but in my case lady! I ALSO THINK THAT IF , caps by accident, get down to my goal weight, I mean when I get down to my goal weight I will wear a string bikini everywhere, to make up for lost time and maybe a lady blazer. Thanks for reading.
xo, Vicki

old friends and the WWF

I have to admit facebook has helped me find an old friend that I lost touch with eight years ago. I feel two ways about this internet, lying about your age is over- thanks classmates.com and I spend too much time learning things about people I don't even think about spending time with, why do I do it? I do think it is handy to look up "how to" of anything, like recipes my favorite is epicurious.com , I use it as a starting point for ideas very helpful. I also like to check my horoscope, only believing the good ones of course. I also joined the WWF the other day not the wresting federation just the weight watchers family, I am using their website to track my points etc, I am actually doing this for real not like another time I joined where I just ate crackers for three weeks and then crashed and burned quickly.
Due to the advance of the internet I have had full blown relationship with people in my head, from beginning to end. I will meet someone in real life, then google them then know everything, read their blog they made four years ago and forgot about, saw their little sister's wedding photos, found out they are a Republican and then we are over before we even began. It is funny I like to think that the universe has a plan but I can't believe the blue prints have been made by google. When I thought about writing this blog I thought, oh should I worry about what I write in case one day I become a senator? what, not happening. Then thought tell the truth, as I see it at the moment and who cares. So, boring or not my blog is all the truth. Oh yeah, so my old friend, his name is Tony and we met on a film we were both working on (wow 9 years ago) it was the same film set I met my last ex boyfriend on,oh well you take the good and then bad and there you have the facts of life. So, I had searched for Tony before, he moved to LA 8 1/2 years ago and well now he is on facebook so calling him later today. I also think he has been found in this universal plan to convince the tiny bit of fear in me to just move to LA already. He loves it and he was kind of my twin in a way, well at least in my mind. This blog entry was all over the place- to recap : internet good for some things, it is always fun to reconnect, WWF is going to work- day three, and have a great day!
Thank you for reading. xo, Vicki